Random Bits of Idiocy

We're constantly told that we all need to learn Spanish because so many people in this country speak that language and we have no choice but learn it. Let's look at this proposition rationally. To become an American citizen, a person must learn English. So, logically, the only individuals not learning to speak English, the ones with whom we must communicate in Spanish, are illegal immigrants. Most studies indicate that there are approximately 5 million illegal immigrants in the US. However, a report from the Pew Hispanic Center in 2006 (http://pewhispanic.org/reports/report.php?ReportID=61) asserted that there were 12 million illegal immigrants in the US. There are approximately 300 million people in the US. Thus, we must all learn Spanish because 2-4 percent of the population does -- and they're technically criminals. This is idiotic. I chose to learn German and a bit of French and Spanish because I wanted to, not because I had to for no rational reason.

Next time you're at a mall or where there are a number of pre-teens and teen-age girls, notice how many are wearing shorts or sweats with something written across their ... well, their bums. Again, let's look at this practice logically and rationally. What is the point of wearing this clothing? The only reason to wear something like this is to get people to look at their behinds. Again, why? The only logical reason, as disturbing as it may sound, is for erotic or sexual titillation. If wearing these clothes is simply for flirtation, then can there be an "unwanted" sexual advance? Don't get me wrong; as the father of three daughters, I'm not condoning rape or any violent action under any circumstances whatsoever, nor am I saying that these girls deserve this unwanted attention. Rather, I'm asking what kinds of idiots buy these clothes for their girls?

Advertisers obviously don't listen to the songs they use in their campaigns. There was a commercial for Dr. Pepper during the football season where a lineman did a celebratory dance after scoring a touchdown to the tune of Emerson, Lake, and Palmer's "Karn Evil 9" (most people call this song "Welcome Back My Friends to the Show That Never Ends"). This is one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite groups. The song's theme is a criticism of the commodification of life and religion. That is, the advertisement is the antithesis of the song. For another example, Gatorade has a commercial with an African-American basketball player walking down the street to the tune of "Walk on the Wild Side," by Lou Reed. This is another great song. However, it does include the lyrics, "and the coloured girls go doo, doo, doo, etc." Maybe not the best juxtaposition of words and images. And, of course, there is the memorable verse in the song about the transvestite performing oral sex. What idiot picked this song as an advertising tag line?

I saw George Carlin last night on HBO. George has become simply a pathetic, rambling, old coot. Sad, really.

Everything causes Global Warming. Well, everything except the natural fluctuation of the Earth's climate. If you want to get funding for some half-baked program, just claim that something that humans are doing causes global warming. On the 31 August 2007 episode of "Real Time with Bill Maher" (the überidiot), PETA representative, Ingrid Newkirk asserted that cow farts are a major cause of global warming (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1092228/). I guess we need to stop breeding cows. The ones we have now should be allowed to live out their lives in peaceful retirement in Boca. Idiots.

Of course, the answer to our energy problem is ethanol or the far cooler name, "biofuel." Unfortunately, reason and logic provide inconvenient truths. There are three logical problems with using ethanol as an energy source. First, ethanol is only cheaper than gasoline if you live in some place that grows a great deal of corn, like the Midwest. In addition, E85 fuel doesn't contain as much energy as gasoline, so a car running on E85 gets worse gas mileage, thus, it costs more to run (http://www.hybridcars.com/ethanol/benefits-drawbacks.html). Secondly, according to a study at Stanford University, E85 may pollute more than gasoline (http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2007/april18/ethanol-041807.html). Thirdly, biofuel production is "a total disaster" for third world countries who deforest their nation for dubious results, according to leading members of the United Nations and the European Union (http://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/0,1518,530550,00.html). See a number of problems with biofuels at http://www.amlibpub.com/liberty_blog/2007/04/new-study-ethanol-bad-for-health-and.html. If we really want to go a long way to solving our automobile fuel problems, we should hire this guy: http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/120/motorhead-messiah.html.

The writers' strike is finally over. I fully support the writers’ stance in the strike. They definitely deserve their fair share of the residuals from new broadcast abilities like podcasts and online replays. However, did anybody really miss the crap shows they put out? I watch one or two shows on NBC, CBS, and FOX. Does ABC still exist? I realize that nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American consumer, and "reality TV" like "American Idol" and "Survivor" admirably proves this. But, until the networks decide to start programming a few intelligent shows, they can expect to continue to loose market share to cable channels, video games, and movie rentals. (http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article3279454.ece).